January 18th, 2016
|02:05 pm - Episode VIII Early Draft|
"It used to be easy."
Luke stared off into the distance.
"We had these little devices that could tell you if somebody was strong with the Force. The crazy thing is, they don't work any more. Some of those kids were stronger in the Force than I was, and yet they read a flat zero on the scale. And that's the other thing -- the Force used to run in families. Not any more. We interviewed the families those kids came from. Sometimes two, three, even four generations back. No Force ability in the family at all. Yet there those parents were. Scared out of their minds, asking us why their kids were able to lift a moisture evaporator just by thinking about it."
"The rules have changed." Luke looked Rey in the eyes. "The Force itself is changing. It's... it's scared, Rey. I think it's trying to prepare us for something."
He gently placed the lightsaber back into Rey's grasp, his warm hands clasping hers. "And you, Rey. You're a part of that. It's why you found me here on Jedi Island. It called you here."
Rey's brow furrowed, her gaze locked with Luke's. She thought for a moment before replying. "Are you telling me," she said in measured tones. "That this place is actually called Jedi Island?"
Luke looked down at his feet.
"No, seriously," pressed Rey. "That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard." A thought leaped into her mind. "Oh god, what do you even call this planet? It has no name on the map, just a set of coordinates."
Luke, avoiding her gaze, mumbled something she could barely hear.
"Please tell me you didn't just say PLANET AWESOME."
Rey involuntarily edged backwards. The smell stung her nose, yet he seemed unaware.
Had he really been eating nothing but seagull droppings for the last twenty years? The moist white flecks in his beard and mustache matched those on the sleeves of his filthy robes. Together they suggested a dreadful answer, one her nose seemed to confirm.
Get out of there before he shows you his boner or something, her inner voice screamed.
"I feel the conflict inside you," he told her in a steady voice that seemed at odds with his wobbling gait.
She was pretty sure that he was drunk. Nervously, she fidgeted with the keys to the Millennium Falcon in her pocket.
Later, she wondered if she'd done the right thing. He seemed lonely. She wished he had somebody to keep him company -- just not her.
He'd handed her a holochip as she left. "This is part of your training," he told her. As Chewie readied the Falcon for hyperspace, she sighed. She had a sneaking suspicion that it was a dick pic.
I'll look at it later, she thought, though she knew she wouldn't.
May 4th, 2015
|10:04 am - Finally|
Finally shutting this stupid thing down. What am I, a fifteen year-old in 1998?
As soon as I finish archiving the crap on here. It's downloading now.
Good bye, LJ.
May 3rd, 2015
|05:53 pm - Tennis|
I can't remember the last time I enjoyed myself. I guess tennis. We played tennis a few times this year and that was fun. I don't think I'll be playing tennis for a while. Steph kind of lost interest in it.
We planted a tree yesterday, which would have been nice under other circumstances.
April 17th, 2015
|10:18 am - I hate everything.|
I don't hate every individual thing. There are legitimate moments of beauty and wonder in this world.
But the sum of all things?
The big bundle of all that exists, the number at the bottom of the existential restaurant check, the ontological packing slip in the Amazon package of... okay you get the point. That everything is horrible and I hate it and I don't want to play this game any more.
Life is a terrible book, printed on the worst paper, in a language I don't understand. A few good passages here and there aren't enough to make me enjoy it.
If I had a better life insurance policy I'd probably find a way to check out and make it look like an accident.
April 14th, 2015
This story made me think.
The way I understand the story is this: Chris Sims is a comics blogger who now has a gig writing for Marvel. Recently it has been brought to light that he was (by his own admission) an inappropriate asshole to Valerie D’Orazio, writer, back in the 2007-2010 era. As a result of this, Valerie suffered a lot of emotional distress.
Shouldn't need to be said but: I believe her.
Chris and Valerie seem to agree on the facts. From what I gather, Chris' comments did not cross the line into threats of violence or other such grossness. However, he apparently has a sizable audience and many of his followers engaged in that kind of thing. I can't find what he actually said to her so I could be wrong here.
It made me think about some arguments I had on OB at around that time. Was I ever "that guy?"
I don't think I ever stirred up a mob like that.1 But I definitely said some things back then that make me wince today. I remember telling somebody they'd probably spend the rest of their life trading sexual favors for waitressing shifts at Olive Garden. Ouch, right? Sexist and classist - simultaneously! Great job there.
That's not generally the person I am. But that's a weak excuse. "Good people" who occasionally lapse into that kind of shit are, in some ways, the absolute worst. They seem nice until they're not. They're insidious.
We're insidious, I guess.
1 Oh, OB had cliques. And sometimes people would wound up on the wrong side of popular opinion and were shouted down. That hurts... big time. I've been on the wrong end of that a few times, on OB and also in other venues where I didn't benefit from the privilege of being one of the "cool kids." I don't know where I'd draw the line exactly but even though having popular opinion turn against you is painful there's a difference between that and harassment.
April 8th, 2015
|02:55 pm - Doing Better|
I think I finally have an idea for "the followup to OtakuBooty" that I'm excited about. It's wacky, and it sounds dumb, but I think I could make it work.
April 6th, 2015
|12:35 pm - I'll do better eventually|
But right now, I'm hovering on the edge of a panic attack. First time in twenty years or so.
December 19th, 2014
|10:53 am - Things I've Learned About Life, Vol. #4,081|
I don't actually have friends any more because I am a bad friend. It's my fault. There are a lot of good-hearted, generally-amazing people out there who cared... and I drifted away.
There are people who like me and care about me, but there's nobody I'd feel comfortable calling up to hang out or just listen if I'm having a rough time.
|10:50 am - Things I've Learned About Life, Vol. #4,080|
Good news: Almost nobody is out to get you.
Bad news: There is a lot of apathy out there.
The world's not out to run you over with a truck... but it's not necessarily going to swerve to avoid you, either.
December 17th, 2014
|09:04 am - Happiness|
When it comes to happiness, I've learned to divide things into two categories.
1. Obstacles to happiness. They say money can't buy happiness but that's only half right. Lack of money can certainly prevent the fuck out of some goddamn happiness. A lot of things are like that. A nice pair of shoes won't make you happy but a horrible pair of shoes can certainly ruin your day. That pair of shoes is an obstacle to happiness.
2. Things that actually make you happy. Generally for me this is either love, or doing/making something meaningful. To be honest, it's probably more of the latter, since sometimes I feel unworthy of love. (Yes, that's probably something I should work on) I don't even necessarily mean "meaningful" in some big, save-the-world sense. I painted a cartoon face on a gourd the other week and that was meaningful to me because it was for a friend with whom I had a long-running inside joke that involved gourds.
The first category is highly fucking underrated.